My Figureoutable List
Becoming the kind of woman who picks up the nail gun and tries
I’ve always considered myself pretty capable.
I can cook, bake, can, butcher chickens, run a restaurant, ride a horse, rope (sort of), drive a stick shift, haul a trailer, work cattle, vaccinate, garden, milk, and probably a handful of other things I’m not thinking of at the moment.
But as I’ve stepped into my latest life transition, I’ve realized something quite humbling:
There are many, many things I don’t know how to do.
Not because I’m helpless or weak… But because for many years, I simply delegated.
It worked well for a long time. We all divide and conquer in relationships, families, businesses, and households. That’s normal.
But I’ve since realized I have a considerable gap in my skill set. And for a while, I mistook that gap for a wall.
Actually, if I’m being painfully honest, it greatly muddied my decision-making through this difficult process. Because somewhere along the way, I had quietly started to believe I was incapable of certain things. I looked at the practical pieces of life — the money things, the house things, the fixing things — and I felt frozen.
But you know what I’ve discovered? Very few things are as mysterious or impossible as they seem from the outside.
And while I may not know much (err… anything) about mechanics or carpentry, I’m starting to realize those things can be learned the same way I’ve tackled sourdough or even roping over the years:
Learn the basics. Try it. Mess up and embarrass yourself. Then try again.
So now at the ripe ol’ age of 41, I have started a new note in my phone called my “Figureoutable List.”
It’s not full of fancy goals like “write another book” or “build a million-dollar business.”
It’s a list of simple, silly things I’ve recently tackled and completed. And every time I add something to it, I feel ridiculously proud.
Dopamine for DAYS, y’all.
So far, the list includes:
Building my credit. (Funny story: I’ve built several very successful businesses and have no debt. But when I went to apply for a home loan, I was told I had a nonexistent credit score, and on paper, it looked like I had zero earning history. Lesson learned.)
Opening my own bank accounts.
Buying a house and getting a mortgage by myself.
Shopping for and securing homeowners insurance.
Finding better insurance for the Soda Fountain (and saving over a thousand bucks!)
Buying a stock trailer all by myself.
Installing a new shower head.
Adjusting the temperature on my hot water heater.
Getting my Starlink running.
Pulling porcupine quills out of my stupid dog (without going to the vet).
Finding someone to fix my well after the water quit at 10 pm the other night. (Water issues stress me out sooo much. Thankfully, it was a minor issue, but I watched the well guy fix it and asked a million questions so I’d be better educated for next time.)
Installing wall sconces with wall anchors, which required me to literally Google, “What are the plastic things you hammer into sheetrock?” so I could figure out what they were called. I have no shame.
Learning how to use a stinkin’ drill. I mean, I technically knew how. But not very well.
Next up on my list for the summer and beyond?
Setting up my chicken run.
Setting up electric fencing for my horses until I figure out where I want the permanent fencing to be.
Getting more familiar with power tools (skill saws, miter saws, nail guns, etc)
Learning how to do baseboard trim, molding, and paneling (I have soooo many ideas for my house!)
Learning how to install wallpaper.
Learning how to change out a light fixture.
Finding and buying a truck on my own.
Refinishing my shower with tile paint.
Don’t worry— I do have a support system. And I have friends and good people around me who are willing to help.
And I will absolutely hire out plenty of things, because I have no desire to become a martyr with a tool belt.
BUT.
There is something wildly empowering about looking at something you once believed was off-limits and deciding, “Actually, I can do this.”
It’s supremely healing to prove yourself wrong in the best possible way.
I’m not saying every woman MUST know how to fix a well or pull quills or change a light fixture. But I do think every woman needs to know she can learn.
If you have someone in your life who handles these things, that’s wonderful. But learn beside them anyway. Pay attention. Ask questions. Try.
Not because you need to be fiercely independent every second of your life, or because accepting help makes you less capable. But because understanding how the pieces of your own life work is powerful.
I lived in my own little world for a long time, and there were things I simply didn’t pay attention to. I don’t say that with shame or blame toward anyone. It’s not right or wrong. It just was.
But I’m making sure my daughters know these things sooner than I did. Not because they’ll need to do everything alone, but because I want them to know they can.
So tell me: What’s on your own “Figureoutable” List?
-Jill
4 Years ago, at 58 years old, I walked the Camino across Spain. 550 miles, by myself as a pilgrimage to seek answers to a question of what was next for me. On the challenging path, I came away with a life motto: I can do anything if I give myself enough time and grace. So, I returned from my walk and enrolled in Massage Therapy school and embarked on a new career.
Like you, there are many things I can do for myself. But recently my husband passed away and after 37 years, we had different things we were responsible for. Now I’m having to do his jobs as well as mine. We had planned well for what would happen if one of us outlived the other but even still, it’s like completely starting over. I’ve had to reapply for credit cards for a single account, send copies of death certificates and last will to secure that moneys get transferred to my name. All while dealing with overwhelming grief at times. And yet, I am strong. I can survive this. I am capable. I have a network of family and friends. And if need be, a checkbook.
There is a parallel between our experiences that give me comfort. ❤️